So have you ever viewed yourself one way and then had a self realization sort of moment that really changed that perspective? It happened to me this past week through several different circumstances. I have generally seen myself as a risky and spontaneous guy who likes to try new things and loves change. That all may be true but I realized I am not at all a risk taker. I am quite the planner. Even my spontaneity gets planned out and the whole picture is understood before any adventure is embarked upon.
I can honestly say I have gambled with less than $100 in my entire life. I have never bought a single share of stock. I did not even enjoy the stock market game where we played with fake money in high school. Even playing certain games gets me worked up and is not relaxing. IF I had a ton of money I would probably keep it in a bank account rather than invest it.
Maybe it is a control thing? My life has to be in my hands with me in charge to the best I possibly can be. When we got pink slipped last year my first response was to go take charge and find a fall back job so that I could maintain that control over uncertainty. I always want to feel like I am prepared for what comes next.
People always say 'trust in the Lord'. How often do I really do that? What does that really mean or look like? Does it mean have faith in God, don't worry, pray about it but keep doing your best. I definitely do not do well with the 'let go, and let God' mentality. It doesn't make sense to me. Maybe the question is more, what does 'let go' mean?
2 comments:
I can see that in you. Your sense of responsibility makes you hold onto control tightly. It is so hard to really trust in God because
a) what does that really look like in daily life?
b) Our nature gets in the way.
Thanks for your honesty and transparency, Sheremy.
wish we could walk and talk about that on the way up to blue sky...
:)
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